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Thursday, July 25, 2013


Dan Here:

As you may or may not know, I do a recurring column called Past Ebert.
Basically, Roger Ebert was a hero of mine and an incredible writer.
I like to revisit some of his past reviews of great movies and hope you will do the same.
You can check out the Past Ebert Archive Here.

This Friday will see the release of James Mangold's THE WOLVERINE.
It will be the sixth time Hugh Jackman has put on the Adamantium Claws.
Pretty incredible considering nobody knew if 2000's X-MEN would be a hit or a flop.
I have high hopes for THE WOLVERINE because Mangold is a very fine director (I love WALK THE LINE, IDENTITY and 3:10 TO YUMA) and according to Jackman, this is the Wolverine movie he has always wanted to make. 

Today is a first for Past Ebert because we are going to check out a review of a film he loathed.
A movie that was universally reviled and that Mr. Ebert wrote a crushing review about:


Make no mistake, this film is truly terrible.
I saw it on opening day in 2009 and never watched it again.
I have come across it on TV a few times and given it five minutes, but I can't put myself through the torture again. It's boring, the dialogue is incredibly dumb and it is by far the worst installment of the X-Men Series.

Mr. Ebert agrees with me.
Check out his full review here.
He gave it 2 Stars Out Of 4, but not before he destroyed it with some of his review magic.
Here's a sample: 

"But wait! -- you say. Doesn't "X-Men Origins" at least provide a learning experience for Logan about the origins of Wolverine? Hollow laugh. Because we know that the modern Wolverine has a form of amnesia, it cannot be a spoiler for me to reveal that at the end of "X-Men Origins: Wolverine," he forgets everything that has happened in the film. Lucky man."

In addition to the above paragraph, Ebert also dropped a gem when he said films like this are just "assemblies of events". That line cracks me up every time I read it. It was so good the first time that my college roommate posted the review on my facebook wall and mentioned it, not knowing I had already done the exact same thing. Calling a film an assembly of events is probably the worst thing you can say about it without being crass. Of course, the genius, Roger Ebert, would figure that out.

Let us pray that James Mangold can revive this once great character.
And if he can't, let the assembly of events be dismissed.

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